I had a problem, though, and I'll relate my personal experience. From the subtitle, I expected sci-fi horror and spent the entire chapter looking for a hint of this and the expectation went unmet. I found this quite distracting.
JustFirst chapters can be hard to write.
I like how well Caleb is introduced. Caleb is a little twat, though, and unlikeable. Fran's and the officer's patience with him seems forced, he is such a twat it doesn't seem like a reasonable person could be so patient with him. Maybe I missed something redeeming about him because of the above problem. I find I care little for him despite how well he is depicted.
Fran definitely gets established as a person of incredible patience and dedication to her work. I would have liked to see more internalization though. I referee soccer (futbol), 30th year this year, I'm about as hard as a man can get under insult and pressure, believe me, but on the inside I can still feel and the way I handle assholes like Caleb requires some pretty sophisticated mental habits and focus - some description of this in Fran's dealings with him would liven her up a great deal in my humble opinion.
The way you expertly describe minor characters in a swift way getting the important parts in is impressive, well done. You do a complicated scene fluidly this way.
Cheers Derek, it's always interesting to see how people bring their personal experience to a story. Chapters 2 and 3 coming soon, then I'll be publishing the novel in full on Amazon. Rest assured there'll be plenty of sci-fi and plenty of horror.
Cheers Derek, it's always interesting to see how people bring their personal experience to a story. Chapters 2 and 3 coming soon, then I'll be publishing the novel in full on Amazon. Rest assured there'll be plenty of sci-fi and plenty of horror.
Hi--I enjoyed reading this. My parents were foster parents as well as my grandmother, so I can kinda relate to Caleb and how he must feel. (They never had one as problematic as him!). Good start, curious as to how the scifi horror comes in, as there were no hints in this chapter. Keep writing!
I enjoyed this.
I had a problem, though, and I'll relate my personal experience. From the subtitle, I expected sci-fi horror and spent the entire chapter looking for a hint of this and the expectation went unmet. I found this quite distracting.
JustFirst chapters can be hard to write.
I like how well Caleb is introduced. Caleb is a little twat, though, and unlikeable. Fran's and the officer's patience with him seems forced, he is such a twat it doesn't seem like a reasonable person could be so patient with him. Maybe I missed something redeeming about him because of the above problem. I find I care little for him despite how well he is depicted.
Fran definitely gets established as a person of incredible patience and dedication to her work. I would have liked to see more internalization though. I referee soccer (futbol), 30th year this year, I'm about as hard as a man can get under insult and pressure, believe me, but on the inside I can still feel and the way I handle assholes like Caleb requires some pretty sophisticated mental habits and focus - some description of this in Fran's dealings with him would liven her up a great deal in my humble opinion.
The way you expertly describe minor characters in a swift way getting the important parts in is impressive, well done. You do a complicated scene fluidly this way.
Thanks for posting this!
Cheers Derek, it's always interesting to see how people bring their personal experience to a story. Chapters 2 and 3 coming soon, then I'll be publishing the novel in full on Amazon. Rest assured there'll be plenty of sci-fi and plenty of horror.
Cheers Derek, it's always interesting to see how people bring their personal experience to a story. Chapters 2 and 3 coming soon, then I'll be publishing the novel in full on Amazon. Rest assured there'll be plenty of sci-fi and plenty of horror.
Hi--I enjoyed reading this. My parents were foster parents as well as my grandmother, so I can kinda relate to Caleb and how he must feel. (They never had one as problematic as him!). Good start, curious as to how the scifi horror comes in, as there were no hints in this chapter. Keep writing!